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Magda Szubanski's new book I Can't Tell You But I Will explores leadership lessons from her role in the 2017 marriage equality plebiscite, including ceding ground and understanding opponents.
Magda Szubanski's new book, I Can't Tell You But I Will, tells the story of her evolution from idealist extremist to militant moderate and from comedian to campaigner.
It weaves together the death of her mother with her work for the marriage equality plebiscite almost a decade after Australians voted overwhelmingly in favour of it. The book contains important lessons about what we need from leaders during volatile community debates and how we should talk to each other to maintain democracy. JULIA BAIRD I found three lessons. The first is to occasionally cede ground in the interests of maintaining allyships.
Lessons on Allyships and Understanding
In short, we do not need to agree on everything to unite on important subjects. As Szubanski told Sarah Ferguson on ABC's 7.30 program, she reveals her thinking about opponents. I will have to climb into the skin of my opponents and imagine what it is like to be them, she said. What it is like to mistrust or fear someone like me.
Always meditate on what provokes resentment. Do we still believe the enemy is not fully human? Szubanski is honest, vulnerable and open-hearted. When you walk down the street with her, people clasp her arms, beam widely and tell her they adore her.
They still remember the pluck and leadership she showed as a prominent lesbian during the debate around marriage equality in 2017. Her impeccable comic delivery has made Australians chortle and wheeze for decades, most memorably as the sports-obsessed netballer Sharon Strzelecki.
Which is why, when she decided to write a book almost a decade after Australians voted overwhelmingly in favour of marriage equality, I was curious about what insights it might contain about leadership, at a time when we seem particularly hungry for it. The kind of leadership that will not pop up on an AI search when you ask for a list of Australia's leaders.
Marriage Equality and Community Harm
You will get mostly men, prime ministers and governors-general, not an eloquent comedian who fought for her community, for equality and for human rights. We must not forget how damaging the marriage equality debate was for the LGBTQ community, exposed to public hatreds, family rifts and ugly rhetoric. Research in the American Journal of Public Health found people in same-sex relationships living in areas more strongly opposed to marriage equality in Australia had more chronic health problems after the vote.
The authors wrote of more long-term heart, respiratory and mental health conditions in people in same-sex relationships in areas with the most opposition to marriage equality. This was particularly the case for men, younger people and those living in socioeconomically deprived regions. The study measured structural stigma using the regional percentage of votes against same-sex marriage from Australia's 2017 Marriage Equality Survey.
It mapped this to the 2021 Census survey of 10,093,399 and 136,988 individuals in opposite-sex and same-sex relationships, respectively. In light of what was clearly apparent at the time, that the plebiscite was a painful and costly process for the gay community, Szubanski instinctively took on a pastoral role. She wrote about what it would mean to have to assume the role of gay elder if the vote was lost and how she would need to help younger LGBTQ people.
She wanted to help them absorb the shock of being publicly rejected by their own country. She would have to remind them that a postal survey could never determine their value, however much it might feel that way. She would tell them that the queer community is resilient and this was not the end of the road. I would have to help parents hold their children close, she writes.
Help people survive the humiliation. Help all of us find somewhere to put the grief and fury without turning it against ourselves or one another. The book also touches on the defeat of the Voice plebiscite, where we saw a host of powerful leaders articulate a forceful case that was eventually, tragically crushed by misinformation and flawed strategy. Good Weekend reported that Szubanski is loved by millions of Australians but in her darkest moment chose to be on her own.
I will never forget watching writer and unionist Celeste Liddle sitting at a desk on ABC TV as the devastating results came in, asked if she had any final words. She told me later her stomach was on the floor. She calmly turned to the camera and spoke to her mob, said they would get through it and they would be okay. One host said he admired her optimism.
Strength After the Voice Result
Co-host Bridget Brennan quickly said that that was not optimism, it was strength. Ultimately, the task Szubanski had to deal with after the result was a different one: to celebrate without gloating. She had to acknowledge the damage without allowing hurt to harden into hatred. I would have to extend a hand to the people who had voted No, she writes, while refusing to absolve those who had deliberately turned the campaign into a dirty war.
The second lesson is to try to understand people who disagree with you and not vilify them. This precious common ground seems to be becoming more and more elusive. We too often search for and focus on slivers of difference instead of plains of agreement. The book tells of the absurd grace of humour and the complexity of being a carer for her mother.
It explores Szubanski wrestling with religion and craving ritual, family and unconditional love. Julia Baird wrote the piece.
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theage:This story was compiled and edited by the HeadTopics newsroom and HT AI from the reports above.
Marriage Equality Plebiscite I Can't Tell You But I Will Leadership Lessons LGBTQ Community Health
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