BALTIMORE—Saying he doesn’t want to scare her off by springing too much on her all at once, local man Daniel Hastings explained Tuesday that he has devised a carefully calculated timeline for revealing his negative personality traits to the woman he is now dating.
The 31-year-old IT technician told reporters that by strategically planning when to expose each of his various character flaws to new girlfriend Melanie Carlin, he hopes to provide her with a sufficient period of time to acclimate to one shortcoming before she is presented with another.
“If I were to let her see I’m a slob right at the beginning, that would probably be a little much to take,” he continued, “but after 12 weeks it should be totally fine to stop picking things up off the floor before she comes over.” Once he has passed the important milestone of meeting Carlin’s parents, Hastings said he would carry out an ambitious back-to-back unveiling of his arrogance and lack of direction, followed up with a next-day disclosure of the fact that he’s really bad with money.
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