Advice from Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Martin.
: When I was raised, I was taught that the person who issued the invitation was the person who paid the bill. When I was dating, if I asked a young lady out for a movie or a meal, I expected to pay. Since being married, if my wife and I ask a friend or another couple out to a show or a meal, we pay for the tickets or the food.
The trouble is that the invitations sound the same as the suggestions: “Would you like to go to dinner with us at Le Gourmet?” could be either one. Especially with people whom you have treated in the past, you will have to be explicit. If they have been reciprocating, it could be as easy as saying, “Why don’t we just start splitting the bills each time?”
Asking “Why?” in response to a doctor to whom I’ve gone for help feels uncomfortable for reasons I can’t quite grasp. Can you sort this for me, and perhaps provide a way to request more information that will work in most situations?The trick here is to say an enthusiastic “Sure!” before asking. As these instructions are coming from your supervisor or your doctor, Miss Manners understands that you don’t want to seem to issue a challenge to their necessity.
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