You can be silent or have a confrontation – and both options sound awful, writes advice columnist Eleanor Gordon-Smith. But now is the time to switch abstract wishes for a concrete plan
‘I think you get to do whatever you damn well please with your days,’ writes Eleanor Gordon-Smith. Painting: Madeleine by Christian Krohg .‘I think you get to do whatever you damn well please with your days,’ writes Eleanor Gordon-Smith. Painting: Madeleine by Christian Krohg .several months ago, ostensibly to support me as I went through immunotherapy . However, my life feels like hell. I was quite content before. I felt OK about the cancer, and was running my home well.
with doors slamming, cooking and gaming. We’ve discussed how much I’m struggling, how hard I’m finding returning to the role of active parenting and how my mood is degenerating. I’m really unhappy. Confronted with the massive insensitivity of a loved one we can sometimes feel caught between two equally bad-seeming options. The first is to be silent. The second is to have a confrontation. Both feel so teeth-pullingly awful that we often hope some third solution will materialise in time. In fairness, sometimes time does panel-beat the problem away. People grow out of the aggravating habit; the years float the relationship into new circumstances, leaving the old dynamic behind.
Maybe you want to seize the day? Maybe you think the day bruises like a peach and you want to hold it gently instead? Maybe you want to travel, maybe you just want to feel scared about what’s coming? Whatever it is, this is the time to switch abstract wishes for a concrete strategy. You shouldn’t have to merelyWhat’s the case against telling your son that it’s time to move out, or insisting on therapy together? Not asking.
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