“How can you not overeat when people were heaping dishes onto your plate without you asking? Is it rude to not finish that tofu someone offered you? What is fullness?”
” — because eating disorders are viewed as a personal weakness, not a medical issue. I bought into these ideas for so long that I didn’t realize I could seek help. But when I did find treatment for my eating disorder, in early 2015, doing so forced me to unpack how I felt about not just eating, but Chinese food specifically.
We never discussed how cultural dimensions shape our eating habits, our body image, our ability to seek treatment. This wasn’t the only deficiency of my time in therapy, which had an exclusively Western lens, from the cuisine to the portions to the utensils to the structure of the meal itself. The only Asian influence in the menu was the occasional miso-glazed salmon. Therapy was immensely helpful, but it lacked cultural nuance.
Cooking, I would discover, lessens my anxiety by demystifying the power food has over me. I can practice skills, learn the science behind recipes, and understand the histories of different cuisines. Rather than seeing a pot of spaghetti as a potentially triggering meal, I can read about Marcella Hazan; place canned tomatoes, butter, and an onion in a pot; and witness the result of simmering it all together for 45 minutes.
for a nice crunchy texture. For 茄子打卤面 , she FaceTimed me to walk me through her cooking process. For 杏鲍菇炒鸡柳 , she texted me three different YouTube links to CCTV cooking segments. The Chinese cooking shows she sends me remind me of growing up in Beijing, how my grandma always kept the station on in the background when she lived with us for monthlong stretches.
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