Recovering your relationship is not impossible, but you must prioritise your own happiness, says Philippa Perry
I’ve been with my husband for 40 years. Four weeks ago, I discovered he has had a 30-year affair. I picked up his phone thinking it was mine and I noticed a text from an unknown woman
I’ve seen a side of him I’ve never known. He is adamant it was just friendship, but texts included him telling her he loved her, which he hasn’t said to me for years. It would be hard to draw a line under such an affair without working through everything – and probably with a couples therapist. Think of the point up to that shock revelation as being your first marriage. With therapy, you and your husband can build what you can think of as your second marriage.As the one betrayed you will need to work through the trauma of the affair and all the times you doubted your instincts and sense of reality over the past 30 years.
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