Dear How to Do It: My husband’s “jokes” about our sex life tell me he doesn’t understand why I really don’t want it.
You should leave the amount of disclosure up to him. Some partners adopt a don’t-ask-don’t-tell policy; others want to know every detail of the sex that happens outside of a relationship, sometimes for erotic purposes. The middle ground is a heads-up when you’re going to hook up or soon after having done so. I understand wanting to be transparent about risk, but I think by making it clear that you will be having sex outside the relationship regularly, you’ve done your due diligence there.
My partner today is amazing! She is very open and communicative and encouraging, and honest with me about where she’s at on any given day. She’s never gotten upset with me for asking for something, has never made me feel like my wants are a burden, and has told me repeatedly that she actually really likes giving head, even if she doesn’t think to initiate it that often.
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