Need a cyber dictionary? Welcome to Grammar 2.0 | dontattempt
“Can a dog be twins?” So reads the meme, a tweet composed by the nameless heroine, five words that soon go viral. Global. “The post had recently reached the stage of penetration where teens posted the cry-face emoji at her. They were in high school. They were going to remember ‘Can a dog be twins?’ instead of the date of The Treaty of Versailles, which, let’s face it, she didn’t know either.
. A maverick mosaic, the book shadows our vaunted ‘poster girl’ through real life and ‘portal’ life, from bedroom to chatroom, all distinctions blurring into a single on-life of likers and followers. Lockwood, an American poet, has a rare gift for phrasing. Cancel culture gains real lustre in her hands: “Every day their attention must turn, like the shine on a school of fish, all at once, towards a new person to hate.”Her humour is equally wild. Take the emoji-blindness of her mother, who sends recipe texts that read like porn. The daughter has to pounce. “NEVER SEND ME THE EGGPLANT AGAIN MOM, she texted.
Tellingly, even in chatrooms, such slang-centred discussions seldom occur, usurped by adoption instead. As Lockwood writes: “Spellings of the word baby that the portal had lately cycled through: babey, babby, bhabie. Middle English had seen similar transformations: babe, babe, babi. Yet in every variation, the meaning shone through, as durable as a soul, wrapped in swaddling clothes.”, wrestle head-on with the new usage.
One false move, the fish will turn. One timely post – be that dog riddle or a sneazing bahbee GIF – and the crowds will come, passing the sneaze onto their own schools, our spelling changing if not the universe. Or in Lockwood’s words: “That’s when everything got a little chihuahua and started starring in its own show.”
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