Why do I join all these loyalty clubs when the “rewards” are so laughable?
Cleaning out my wallet the other day, I found an ancient loyalty card, issued by a coffee shop I haven’t been to for 20 years. This tattered cardboard relic had a row of five circles on it, followed by an icon depicting a steaming cup of free coffee. The first three circles were stamped with the store’s logo, meaning I was two cups shy of a freebie when my relationship with the store petered out.
So you join up, thinking that will be the end of it. Merely by flashing your card, you will cut through the membership rigmarole, and skip to the bit where you get to leave the shop with the thing you came to buy. The tax office is content to ask me this question once a year. At the bakery, I get it once a fortnight. Why? I’m only trying to buy a finger bun. The odds that I’ve moved house since my last bread purchase are minimal. Anyway, what if I have? I’m not asking for the bun to be mailed to me.
At my pharmacy, customers on my current “membership tier” are entitled to receive an exciting $5 voucher… provided they can contrive to spend $400 a year on “eligible purchases”, which don’t include therapeutic goods or prescription items. Meanwhile, my online pet store informs me that I’m well on my way to “unlocking” a $10 voucher. As soon as I part with another $550, the voucher will be mine.
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