On Monday, the Jezebel staff was startled to learn that actor Kumail Nanjiani was swole, fit, extremely jacked. “I never thought I’d be one of those people who would post a thirsty shirtless, but I’ve worked way too hard for way too long so here we are,” he wrote in an embarrassingly earnest Instagram caption posted with a photo of his new abs, in which he credits some trainers and people who’ve helped him.
and a schlubby tech bro inThe Eternals
. Which is great for him! Seriously, do you, bro. But I do have some larger concerns about what happens when a Normal Man becomes a staggeringly Jacked Man, a growing phenomenon in Hollywood but also in real life as everyone is suddenly latching onto wellness culture and heading to CrossFit and doing Keto and bulking the fuck up. My concern is that people won’t taste good in the event that we must eat their bodies in a Donner Party situation.
Let’s say you find yourself in such a situation and suddenly you have to eat your brethren, assuming they’re already dead and it’sethical, as close to ethical human-eating can be? Similarly, what if our world goes the way ofand, again, you gotta eat people. You don’t want to think about it, but who would taste good in this situation? NOT jacked folks who are all lean muscle, I assume.
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