Carolyn Hax: First love at age 32 is 'messy,' 'scary,' 'amazing'
How does everyone do this? I have moments of intense vulnerability with him, which he reciprocates, but how do I deal with the anxiety/voice in my head afterward that it’s just going to drive him away?Have you identified exactly what you’re so afraid of? Why you think your vulnerability will kill this?
If it’s just generalized fear of getting dumped, then I hope it will be helpful to recognize that we have, pardon my bluntness, two choices: suffer a painful loss, or die first. That’s it, really. You either break up with loves or bury them, or they outlast you. By a certain age, people are all walking around with firsthand experience of this intense pain.
When you hear that voice in your head, try asking it what it’s so worried about. Does it think you can’t handle what we are all, more or less, built to withstand? If it’s more than that, then do listen and seek support accordingly, but otherwise tell it to shut up and to have a little faith in you.Is this one of those negative voices that was planted in your head when you were a girl about how a lady shouldn’t act because a gentleman won’t like it?I can only speak for myself, but as someone else who has always been single into my early 30s, I have these same thoughts when I try to date.
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