Carolyn Hax: How to end estrangement after skipping best friend’s wedding?
I had asked Annie to consider a more child-friendly wedding, but she took offense and pointed out that my own wedding had been child-free. I tried to explain the difference — most of her friends now had children younger than 10. But she couldn’t see reason and froze out three of us, all with children, who missed her wedding after she’d done so much for us. And I admit she did a lot: threw showers, ran errands, made centerpieces, decorated receptions, the works.
I had a million babies all at once, so I know of what you speak. But you didn’t even acknowledge the unfairness of timing that meant you couldn’t return all the wonderful and greatly appreciated favors she did for you. Instead, you greeted her turn for friends to celebrate her by … asking her to sacrifice herself for you again. Awful. And when she said no, as she was fully entitled to, you didn’t take no for an answer and tried to correct her thinking to your advantage. Then no-showed her.
And there is nothing to “rehash” because you were so out of line to bring it to the point of hashing in the first place. Big apology, wrapped in humility and the wisdom of the ensuing years, or leave her be.I’m sensing a little bit of a “people who aren’t parents can’t understand” angle. I encourage “Missing” to not go that direction.