Perspective: The magic that happens when adults see other people’s kids as three-dimensional humans
By Braden Bell February 18 I teach at a pre-K-8 school, and it’s a big deal when our eighth-graders graduate. Each spring, I have an awards night for the graduating eighth-graders who have participated in at least two plays during their time at the school. It’s a little different from other awards ceremonies. We watch a slide show featuring pictures of each child in each production. The bulk of the evening is devoted to me reading a letter about each student.
Then, inevitably, someone says something like this: “I have to admit I have not always thought very highly of some of these other kids. I didn’t want my child interacting with them. I realize now that there were other sides to these kids, positive things I didn’t see.” Often these statements contain a degree of regret. The parent misjudged, or misunderstood, and wrote the child off.That’s natural, after all.
In over 30 years of directing and almost 20 of teaching, I cannot remember a child who did not have some redeeming virtue. Sometimes, to be sure, these diamonds were more deeply buried than others. Sometimes it took a great deal more skill and patience to unlock the treasure that existed. But it was always there.
Children are, by definition, immature. They act impulsively. They make mistakes. They have very little judgment. They certainly have little experience to draw upon. This is why they aren’t allowed to drive or vote. It’s why there are laws about drinking and sexual consent. There are any number of ways we collectively recognize that these are not adults — even if they look grown up.
The wonderful thing about kids is how quickly they will often patch things up and give another chance to someone who has done something to upset them. As humans go, they are generally quick to extend grace, quick to give the benefit of the doubt, and quick to move on.Ideally, we, the adults, can be mature enough to give grace, space or at least wise, measured reflection. We might resist the urge to serve as a one-person tribunal.
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