Why are holidays never as good as you hoped? That joyless Eeyore of the Mail on Sunday, Liz Jones, offers this bleak assessment: “The worst aspect of going on holiday is that I always take myself along.”
The best election posters are the simplest: that unforgettable, endless line of unemployed Brits or the equally long NHS line with Labour's anti-Tory caption: “The doctor can't see you now.” Here's a prediction. Come the next general election the Conservative Party poster attacking Labour's policy on migration will have one very simple image. An open door.“You mean 12.30pm?” I suggested.“We aim to please,” she replied briskly. Taking her at her word I turned up at 12.20pm.
And here's the thing about the NHS. No matter how useless it is, no matter how much we moan about its shortcomings, from timekeeping to cancer care, the moment anyone abuses its staff, we automatically side with the NHS and tut-tut at its critics, as if it's some batty but much-loved old aunt. My 12.32 appointment? The needle actually descended at 12.54pm but, to be fair, they threw in a Covid jab which until then no-one had mentioned.
Predictive-text corner. In this column, the phrase “taking her” was corrected to “taking Hertfordshire.” Beyond bizarre. Still on medicine, a reader describes the tools used in her recent spinal surgery and concludes: “To be honest he could probably have performed it in a garden shed.” Reminds me of a school friend who became a surgeon and modestly dismissed his skills as “mostly plumbing, with a bit of carpentry.”
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