How many cookies does one need to steal to be penalized with nap time?
How many cookies do I have to steal to be penalized with a fullPaleo bars and kale chips are way outside my budget, but I have a sneaking suspicion that Cheetos are making me break out. My dermatologist has confirmed this suspicion.Adding quarters to the swear jar:
So all I have to do is curse eight times a week, and I never have to worry about laundry again? Count me the fuck in!Having to sit at the adults’ table: Now that I’m older and wiser, I can see that Aunt Muriel’s affair is objectively a more interesting topic of conversation than who made the J.V. baseball team.The C.E.O. of my company spent four thousand dollars on a five-day digital detox in Hawaii to get what I—as an angsty teen-ager—once described as child abuse.
I’ve signed my last seventy-two work e-mails with “fart buckets,” and no one has mentioned it. It’s not even a good joke—it’s a roast of me.at me? I’m so used to just getting ghosted! It’s a relief to be on the receiving end of anger instead of just emitting it constantly. I’m reminded that I have a place in the universe. I’m literally never following the rules again.Like nap time, but better. Except—shit—my door is locked.
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