GALIFIANAKIS: Was Jack [Black] your first choice to play me? I had read somewhere it was Josh Gad. AUKERMAN: Well, it was Josh Gad for a minute, but Jack Black is, as I say, the thinking man’s Zach Galifianakis.
You don’t have to fake laugh at Scott’s dumb answers.Hey, you, wait a minute, she’s fake laughing at your dumb questions! Okay, so I was called in to audition for the movie, where I was to play Michael Caine’s younger self because Michael Caine in the movie, as I’m sure you know, Zach, as it’s in your top five, you were telling me earlier today…GALIFIANAKIS: Strangely, yes.
I didn’t quite know what was happening. It’s one of those kinds of Weinstein #MeToo stories that you hear about. I turned around, and they said, “Perfect.” And then that was the end of the meeting, and I found out that they were going to use clips of an old Michael Caine movie, whenever Michael Caine was facing the camera, and then my body whenever he was turned away from the camera. So basically I’m in the movie with just my back to the camera all the time.
GALIFIANAKIS: Okay, that’s what I thought. That’s what I’ve always heard. I heard it right. Okay, next question.If you could have any meal in any place—it can be Thai food in Mexico, it doesn’t have to coincide with the place. AUKERMAN: And it can be the best version of it, even though there probably is not great Thai food in Mexico?AUKERMAN: Who’s killing me? How am I dying?AUKERMAN: So I’m let out of death row to get this meal wherever I want to go?GALIFIANAKIS: You really want to know? It’s a gigantic tax scam.GALIFIANAKIS: Mmhmm. This is in the future like eight years, when the rule of law gets really strict.GALIFIANAKIS: Oh, fingers crossed. With Vice President Bobby Jindal.
Would you rather have 16 belly buttons or six-inch earlobes? And you can’t do anything about it, you just have to live with it. Six-inch earlobes, and the belly buttons, you don’t really know where they may end up.No, you’ve been cursed. It’s a punishment for your tax evasion.Well, before your hanging, we’re going to give you these things, where you have to walk around with them. And then they walk you around town for two weeks nude.Yeah, because they’ve got to see all the belly buttons.
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