In struggling to understand God’s place in his world, the celebrated journalist and writer keeps his reader at a distance.
is about the struggle with irreconcilables. How to love – much less believe – in God when the world often seems godless? Grant puts the case plainly at the book’s outset: “My world is turning, I have walked away from my career, my father is in his final years, I have more years behind me than ahead and now God is whispering to me.”
At one point I literally sighed: Grant opens one chapter with a lovely account of washing his face in a river and encountering a kangaroo near his parents’ home, his mother and father still waking, the day beginning. Yet the scene gives way, almost before it has itself begun, to invocations of Einstein, Bergson, Yeats, Darwin, Heraclitus, Parmenides …
He sees himself as incapable of the delicacy one of his brothers shows while tending to their father. He has to face a vulnerability and “infirmity” that is “raw and confronting”. The admissions of both revulsion and anger at physical loss and mortality are among the book’s strongest passages. “I am ashamed of how I have struggled,” Grant writes. It is not only the struggle with death, but, even more, the struggle with intimacy: to be close. To gain time when time is running out.
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