At a certain age, surgical procedures become the bread and butter of conversation.
Privately, my mind is running through the calamity that might occur at 9am the next day, when the operation begins. There’d be a moment of distraction just as the surgeon unsheathed his laser gun from the holster – a car backfiring outside; the “oh, what was that sound?”; the involuntary movement of his arm – then the Zorro-style “Z” carved into my chest, smoke rising from my exposed heart.
Within seconds, my friend Paul has seized centre stage. It’s now all about Paul and his new knee. Oh, how I envy him. He has a scar and everything. He does a little dance, showing his new knee in action, and everybody applauds. Thirty years ago, a frank disclosure of a hangover would win the admiring attention of the group; now it’s triple bypass surgery or they hardly look up from their potato salad.
Anyway, that’s for the future. Right now, I must square my shoulders in preparation for tomorrow’s ordeal. . I wonder, momentarily, whether I’ve wandered into the wrong place. Should I say something? You’d feel a fool if you didn’t.As it happens, the doctor is patient with the patient. Maybe that’s where the word “patient” comes from. Large reserves of the stuff are required as soon as we walk in the door. The “X”, the surgeon explains, appears above the eye which needs the work.
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