I felt he deserved my attempt at the full picture of what it means to be alive, of the true price of this incredible experience. That a long life is not promised, it’s only what we hope for, and when and how we die is something no one knows. amil writes
When he asked, I was so excited to tell my son, who was 4 at the time, all about this amazing dog’s life. It turned out he was far more interested in his death.we’d had before, I initially tried to be as matter-of-fact about dying as I could be. I described how Jupe had been in a lot of pain, that the doctor said he was likely very ill, and that the kindest thing we could do for him would be to relieve him of that pain as peacefully and quickly as possible.
This time I didn’t feel the need to explain as much; I just let him see for himself how death reshapes the room as my grief filled our tiny home like my tears were a million heavy glass balls. Loss was no longer something atmospheric, it was grounded by this now-empty hole in my husband; it became a window through his heart that he tried to hide but couldn’t.
I knew deep down he wasn’t interested in hypotheticals and esoteric explanations about death. He wanted to know it, to see it up close and poke at it in the same way he investigated the bugs in our backyard. I reminded myself of what a privilege it is to watch each other grow and that in the inevitability of death is also a promise to relish life.
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