Wondering how to strike a balance between being an attractive challenge and being responsive enough that a potential partner thinks you are still attainable? Try following these 4 suggestions.
Successful dating requires knowing how to give and take, as well as learning when to be responsive and when to be hard-to-get. Fortunately, research has explored this balance for us already—and points the way to a solution.Research by Reysen and Katzarska-Miller explored how different levels of responding to a partner's romantic interest influenced their level of. Specifically, the authors were interested in comparing being responsive vs.
The researchers suggested that Brehm's Emotional Intensity Theory might offer an answer. According to that theory, a person's emotional intensity is related to the difficulty of attaining a particular goal. Emotional intensity is low for easybecause only a small amount of effort is required to accomplish them. Emotional intensity is also low for hard goals because the difficulty makes them seem unattainable and not worth the effort.
. Therefore, they asked participants to evaluate scenarios about a potential partner at work who showed interest by talking to them every day , 3 days a week , 1 day a week , and a control condition where the frequency of conversation was unspecified. Then, the participants' evaluations were compared across categories to see which approach they found most attractive.
Initial results indicated that the most responsive partner was considered the most attractive. Nevertheless, further evaluation determined that the scenarios were confusing and participants may have had difficulty determining that the coworker was interested in them romantically. Because the situation was less clear and more difficult, an"easier" and more responsive partner was preferred.
Building from those initial results, Reysen and Katzarska-Miller conducted a second study, changing the scenario so that participants better understood that the coworker was romantically interested in them. In that situation, participants were most attracted to the coworker who acted moderately hard-to-get . Therefore, when romantic interest was clear, acting moderately hard-to-get provided the optimal level of difficulty to pique a partner's interest.
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