The Child I Didn’t Adopt

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The Child I Didn’t Adopt
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'He could barely get out the words. Nobody loves me. Not even my mother who gave birth to me. Months later, in a repeat scene (another foster mother, another removal), he would put up a fight.'

It was something about the phrasing that got to me. Something about the cadence of his words, the staccato of his speech.Not even my mother who gave birth to me.

Years later, long after I’ve left the agency, I get an email from my old boss asking how I’m doing, and ending with a short P.S. “Stephen is in DYS lockup after running away from his foster home. You need to adopt him.” My stomach drops. I’ve had this thought many times. I should adopt him myself. But I don’t.

The newspapers ran very little about the murder, as if it were an afterthought. Barely worth a mention, really. Anonymous strangers posted nasty comments online: “Just another gangbanger,” they said. Stephen had been wrong, that night in my Toyota. His mother did love him, in her way. She was there, at the funeral. She greeted me kindly. I think she knew I loved Stephen as I knew she did. We both failed him in the end, and that joined us I suppose. Neither of us could give him a family.

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