This article explores the difference between sympathy and empathy, particularly in the context of comforting individuals who are grieving. It uses the experiences of a woman who survived the Port Arthur massacre and the tragic murder of Viola Kline to illustrate the importance of empathy in offering genuine support.
Two years after the Port Arthur massacre, psychologist Rob Gordon’s client was sitting in a yoga class at a health retreat when she was told to “imagine a beautiful, tranquil bushland setting by the sea”.The prompt conjured visions of the horror she witnessed in 1996, when Martin Bryant killed 35 people and wounded almost two dozen others atThe woman – now crying – was ushered down a passage and into a counsellor’s room at the health retreat, where she began pouring out her story.
“Twenty minutes later, she said the counsellor is crying uncontrollably, and has got her arm around , saying: ‘It’s OK, I’ve been sitting with this for two years, I’ll be alright’,” Gordon says.The counsellor’s mistake was offering the woman sympathy rather than empathy, Gordon says. He defines sympathy as sitting in grief and suffering with someone, and mirroring their emotions. Empathy involves listening to someone in a calm and stable space to understand their experience from a distance, he says. It’s the first of many mistakes people make when trying to comfort those dealing with grief, experts say.Viola was murdered in September 2000, a few months after she separated from her former husband, who was quick to fly into a violent rage.She ended their relationship after he strangled Kline – then aged 15 – but her ex-husband ultimately coaxed her to a house where he was staying, then into a caravan, which he had doused in petrol. “He stood at the door, pushed her in, lit a match, threw the match in, and then locked the door and drove away,” Kline says.Viola, who was murdered in September 2000, pictured with her son Grant Monks in 1999. Kline’s younger brother Grant Monks was only six years old at the time, and contending with significant medical needs after he was diagnosed with kidney disease during infancy. Kline fought for him and his brother to stay together, and their mother’s horrific murder rocked their small town of Kyabram in Victoria’s nort
Sympathy Empathy Grief Port Arthur Massacre Viola Kline
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