One ridiculously graceless ‘resignation’ speech later, here are the top Tory gorgons competing to control the sunlit uplands, says Guardian columnist Marina Hyde
: Living testament to the ancient Conservative principle that they’ve always got a worse idea up their sleeve. Should wrestle with the question of how his just God can permit him.Back to Johnson, though, whose farewell speech demanded a single facetious question: “Will you be having a leaving do, mate?” The answer, amazingly, is: yes.
If you want a mildly consoling glimpse of Johnson’s long prime ministerial afterlife, once his memoirs have sold , then picture him being slapped awake by his handlers in some six-star Malaysian spa hotel, then trundled down to the conference anteroom to sit with other speakers, like Al Gore and some sex case from the World Bank, before going on stage to do his 500th rendition of The Speech. £120,000 a pop; Raging Bull-style weight gain and gnawing despair come as standard.
Ultimately, though, the disappointments and desolation are all ours. It was Johnson’s world; we now have to live in it. It’s quite sweet that people still talk of a “realignment”. I don’t mean to cavil, but what the hell is “aligned” here? The UK will now have had four prime ministers in just over six years. It’s a rolling mess, a joke to much of the world. The only thing you can really align yourself with is the view that it can always get even worse and even more chaotic. Send in the clowns.
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