SexDiaries: 'Texting back and forth with both girls at the same time. Feeling vaguely sociopathic considering that neither one of them knows about the other, even though they’ve met before.'
Photo-Illustration: James Gallagher This week, a man pines for this therapist while wondering if his French lover is about to leave him: 29, single, Montreal.6 a.m. Rolling in and out of sleep while cuddling with A. Mornings are my favorite time with her. Everything seems less harsh in the morning light. She starts rubbing my chest, and I start to breathe heavily. This is usually all it takes to initiate morning sex. I love when she gets on top and curses at me in French.
11 a.m. I stop off at Le Main — Montreal’s best smoked-meat joint. I’m about to indulge in my other stress reliever: eating. The guilt I’m about to feel over this will be immense as I haven’t eaten meat since March. I’ve been in a terrible head space over the situation with A, and I have a feeling it’s coming to an end. I love her, though I know I’m not in love. She’s brilliant and beautiful in many ways, but the status quo simply isn’t sustainable.
Noon Sign off and decide to do an hour bike ride up Olmsted Trail on Mont-Royal. Unfortunately, I’m absolutely one of the asshole bikers detested by pedestrians and cars alike. I’m not stupid on my bike; just reckless. It’s residue left over from my yearish as a bike courier, though the hard-core couriers here would scoff at me as a papillon considering I never made it through a full winter. Fuck that — if you think New York winters are bad, try trekking up here in February.
Texting back and forth with both girls at the same time. Feeling vaguely sociopathic considering that neither one of them knows about the other, even though they’ve met before. At least J doesn’t have a boyfriend — this situation seems complicated enough as it is. Fairly certain that this whole charade is going to fall apart sooner rather than later. Plan to meet up with J tonight.
1 p.m. I’m feeling like an absolute degenerate. My friends are railing lines of coke and molly off my glass table, and I just washed down a handful of shrooms with some dépanneur wine. I’m kind of over all the harder drugs. I’m old, I’m washed up, I’m over the hill. Really I just can’t take the comedowns anymore.
1 p.m. My friends from Cali had their flight overbooked, so good ol’ Air Canada paid for their flight, hotel, and gave them $1,600 to stay an extra day. What to do with free money and excess drugs?
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