Column: The problem with celebrating the selflessness of mothers
. In fact, the more you agree to being secondary, to put everyone’s needs ahead of your own, to let your child shine while you sit in the background, the more you are congratulated.
My first experience with this happened when my in-laws rushed into the delivery room as soon as they were allowed. All I wanted to do was shower and put on some fresh clothes, so I hobbled to my small hospital bathroom and sat under the water. I wasn’t expecting the amount of blood I saw washing away and reappearing nor the pain of my stitches and I needed help getting dressed, but everyone was so happy and focused on my son that I didn’t feel like I could ask for it.
I was also fortunate to have doulas who checked in on me consistently and even performed a postpartum ceremony to counter any notion that I was now in a secondary role. The ceremony took place in two parts: The first was called the Temazcal where I sat over a large bowl of boiled herbs with sheets and blankets covering me, creating a sauna-like environment. This was referred to as the release stage.
I struggled through the pain alone and returned to the room where no one seemed to notice how long I’d been gone. I agree with my own mom’s assertion that our treatment of motherhood is intertwined with everything else in our communities and our society. The pandemic shined a light on just
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