Sometimes, in the white-hot momentum of a post-split self-improvement rampage, the rules we make target the wrong part of the problem
Photo: H. Armstrong Roberts/ClassicStock/Getty Images So, maybe you’ve heard: There’s a lady out there who has decided she will no longer date Jewish men. After two failed relationships with men of the Jewish faith who left her and later settled down with women with religious beliefs more similar to their own, she’s had it — and dammit, she’s made herself a rule.
The Over-Corrective Post-Breakup Rule is always made by someone who means well. It’s present you protecting future you from making the same relationship mistakes again — or so wounded, indignant present you thinks at the time. One woman I know, for example, instituted a No More Firefighters policy after dysfunctionally dating three firefighters in a row.
Here’s the thing about post-breakup rules, though: . It’s tempting to remove ourselves from the equation, simplifying a complicated tangle of a relationship into a single trait belonging to one of its members. And it’s in our nature to think we’re seeing patterns where none actually exist; we’re wired to seek meaning, to impose an order that protects us from both uncertainty and blame.
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