We're endlessly fascinated by the idea of three people sharing a sexual or romantic relationship. But what's it really like?
supports this social theory, and their sayings, like “two plus two equals three” or “a quad makes a great triad,” describe a phenomenon that is so frequent as to become cliché. Quite commonly, in polyamorous communities, a triad will form among the remaining members of a previously larger relationship that had included four or more partners. In other cases, an established couple will meet someone who joins their dyad to become an integral member of the polycule.
While Thompson and their colleagues surveyed people in any kind of relationship who had ever had a mixed-sex threesome, my longitudinal research focused on polyamorous people specifically and produced some different results. In my sample, the women were the ones who reported being more satisfied with the sexual encounter, and several men mentioned that they found sex with two women simultaneously to be “not all that.
Even so, there is a clear difference between Thompson’s findings and the findings of my longitudinal research that I think speaks to the differences in our samples. Given the greater popularity of swinging and open relationships, it is unlikely that Thompson’s respondents were mostly polyamorous people and far more likely that they were couples who engaged in sex with others. Perhaps, as Thompson suggests, that scenario is more likely to emphasize men’s sexual satisfaction.
Thompson, A. E., Osborn, M., Gooch, K., & Ravet, M. . An Empirical Investigation of Variations in Outcomes Associated with Heterosexual Adults’ Most Recent Mixed-Sex Threesome Experience. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 1-11. Sheff, E. . The polyamorists next door: Inside multiple-partner relationships and families. Rowman & Littlefield.
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