Opinion: When Chrissy Teigen posted a photo of her grief after miscarrying her son Jack, there was a collective and sharp inhale, even from those of us who’ve had this experience, in some cases many times over
Warning: the following article explores sensitive subjects including miscarriage and may be triggering for some readers.
When we do discuss miscarriage, we use beautiful, peaceful words like rainbow or angel and we layer our farewells over photos of candles and sunshine.Chrissy Teigen and husband John Legend, pictured in January, had openly shared their pregnancy struggles.Chrissy’s photo of herself hunched over a hospital bed, unclothed, her face twisted, clearly in physical and emotional agony, was intended to give people a real insight into the ugly side of the miscarriage experience.
The barriers of silence around miscarriage are complicated and nuanced, including cultural expectations, workplace discrimination, a general inability in most of the populace to stomach grief or pain and a deep-seated self-blame in many who experience loss of this kind. But this censorship, expectations of self-censorship and silence have real and serious consequences.
Every time I publish anything about miscarriage or pregnancy loss, I am inundated by people wanting to tell me their stories, share their traumas and help break the silence. It’s rare for me to see the grief I’ve felt reflected in anyone else’s face at that critical moment when they realise, without a shadow of a doubt, that they’re never going to hold that baby. Or in some cases, never hold them again.Among the hundreds of stories I’ve been privileged to hear, there are common threads of care that lacks empathy, insight or understanding, care that doesn’t meet best practice guidelines, and care that is devoid of psychological insight.
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