Therapist Esther Perel's advice for quarantined couples: • Dwell on the positives, not the negatives • Make a request rather than a protest • Let your body speak when addressing disputes • Stick to one topic during a disagreement hereandnow
“In the midst of crisis, couples will often go to periods of destruction and then a repair,” Perel says. “And this reconnection demands trust [and being] vulnerable to what the other person is inviting rather than defending yourself, expecting the worst.”
“A couple has a rhythm that means that you leave, you go to work, you go to see friends,” she says. “This is what is missing at this moment.” If you find yourself leaning into an argument, try this: “When you want something, ask for it rather than making a critique about what the other person hasn't done. Make a request rather than a protest,” she says.
If anything, let the body speak when addressing disputes, she says. Because of social distancing, humans are craving human touch and affection, and a physical reassurance can “ground us,” she says. Allow yourself to celebrate, experience pleasure and engage sexually. “I assumed the man is a smart man who knows what is right. So I said to him, if you could, you would want to see her. That's a given. I get that this is about duty rather than desire. And I respect that. That's what I say in a nutshell. … I mean, the wife tells him, ‘You're a jerk.’ I'm not there to say that. What I know is that he understands that he has three daughters at home. And in this moment, it is probably wise to be there with them.
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