By this point should we have unpacked our many suitcases of generational trauma?
As with everything in my life, my internal search led me to my mother, Cindy. Personality-wise, we are polar opposites, but one of the traits she passed on to me, her only child, is how we handle difficult situations. Cindy addresses problems with surgical precision, 10 backup plans, and an
unwavering faith that everything will work out as it should—which is exactly how she handled the unexpected death of her husband in her early 30s. Overnight she had to navigate my grief, her grief, our new family dynamic, her own desires as a young woman , and her. And she had to do it all while keeping a roof over our heads and food on the table. A few years before any of this happened, her father had also died, and she took on the responsibility of caring for her own mother.
“Generational trauma is really a reaction to trauma experienced by previous generations,” explained Shirin Zarqa-Lederman, a counselor who specializes in trauma. “So if you have, let’s say, a generation that went through historical trauma like, for example, the Holocaust–that’s kind of where generational trauma actually came from. Back in the 60s, what [psychologists] found was that there was a large portion of Jews in the Diaspora that had psychological issues.
The sort of behavior I exhibited, and continue to exhibit, is not uncommon for people with a history of generational trauma, who lack the understanding of the root of that trauma. Zarqa-Lederman explains, “the behavior is not [from your] trauma. It’s a traumatic reaction that has now become a habit in [your] life. A lot of [generational trauma] is manifested through behavior. Sometimes it’s anxiety, panic attacks, trouble socializing,” Zarqa-Lederman explained.
Both experts agree that there is no specific age or age range in which the average person begins to acknowledge their own generational trauma. So despite all of my fears being wrapped up in the ominous odd number of 30, I am neither late nor early to the self-discovery party. After learning all of this and identifying another layer of bullshit I have to work through if I ever want to be “30, flirty and thriving,” I find myself asking the same question once again.
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