Tim Dowling: When it comes to cricket, try not to leave the pitch in an ambulance

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Tim Dowling: When it comes to cricket, try not to leave the pitch in an ambulance
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By the time the 10th wicket falls, my knees are skinned and I have bruises on both ankles

At the tea break, the oldest one and I fight over the lowest place in the batting order.“I’ll show you what really can’t bat means,” I say. The oldest one took two wickets, so the captain rewards him with last place.

Nothing in my understanding of the rules of cricket has prepared me for this news. First: our team has an extra, unnecessary player, and I am certainly him. Second: I have to go back out there in 10 overs’ time. Amid a flurry of wickets, the system for replacing the extra fielder breaks down. I do six overs, then seven. When another wicket falls, I make my escape.“But I’m after you!” I say.

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