Tim and Celeste have been struggling with infertility for years. After six miscarriages and countless failed embryo transfers, they have so far drained $80,000 from their savings
Hammarberg says there is generally low understanding of how hard infertility can be on couples. “Don’t underestimate the difficulty for couples ... Infertility is more than just the treatments, it’s really the whole journey. It’s sometimes many years of frustrating and unsuccessful attempts to do something that people never think will be a problem.”
“They don’t know how to help each other,” Daniels says. “In the past if they had a problem they would turn to their partner and work it out, but with infertility they can’t do that ... Not knowing what is happening to your body, yourself and your relationship is extremely frightening.” He says Cara helped him deal with it by explaining she needed him to make certain decisions. So he did. And it made a difference, he says, because it “wasn’t all on her”.
“But when I look at what it gave us, it gave us more time as a married couple and more time together to be on the same page.”Hammarberg says couples going through infertility should negotiate how to manage it together and try not to let it “contaminate” every other part of their life. In addition to your usual coping strategies, explore different ways to cope, such as self-soothing techniques, mindfulness, ‘me’ time, connecting with your wider community.
Daniels encourages couples to talk openly with each other, ask for help, learn compassion for both themselves and their partner and accept it’s OK to express anger or sadness as long as it's not directed at the other person. She encourages people anyone who is struggling to seek professional support.
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