It’s easy to inure yourself to fear of rejection, all you have to do is be rejected every single day. By Andrew Lloyd
Photograph: Rachel Bujalski/The ObserverPhotograph: Rachel Bujalski/The ObserverSun 24 Jul 2022 11.00 BSTn 2012, 30-year-old Jia Jiang walked up to a stranger and asked if he could borrow $100. “No” was the response from the baffled man sitting in a hotel lobby. He wanted to know why he was being asked, but Jiang didn’t explain; he just said thanks then walked away.
When I started, my goal was to say, ‘All right, I’ll get rejected and learn from the rejection to become tougher’Jiang liked the idea so much he took it 70 steps further, creating 100 challenges for himself. “When I started, my goal was to say, ‘All right, I’ll get rejected and learn from the rejection to become tougher,’” he says. The questions he asked were straightforward but awkward, such as requesting a free night’s stay at a hotel or asking for a selfie with a stranger.
This allowed Eisenberger to track what happened in the brain when subjects were included and then excluded from a social activity, and she made an interesting discovery. The regions of the brain that were activated when a person felt left out were the same regions that were activated during physical pain. “From this early study we sort of thought, ‘OK, maybe there’s a reason people talk about feeling rejected as feeling hurt.
When I describe this rejection-therapy challenge to clinical psychologist Michael Stein, he says he loves the idea: “It’s fantastic. It’s exactly what I would recommend for people with social anxiety.” Stein has specialised in treating anxiety disorders using exposure therapy for more than 14 years, assisting clients from his private practice,
Stein’s advice is to target the type of rejection you’re most worried about and practise exposure at a pace you can handle. When things get difficult, remind yourself of the benefits which outweigh the anxiety.walked into a Krispy Kreme and asked for a special doughnut in the shape of the Olympic rings. He was hoping for a quick no, but this time things were different. Jackie, the worker behind the till, paused with confusion, then started sketching a design.
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