‘I am trans whether or not I have a penis, whether or not I give birth,’ writes freddymcconnell ‘What our bodies do, have the potential to do, or even what we wish they would do, does not define who we are’
In that situation I would’ve been likely to give a much wordier answer ; you can easily get into biological essentialism and what it means for women for pregnancy to be considered any kind of peak, ultimate or definitive female experience ; you can ask what exactly is feminine about any of it, besides the stereotypical pink colour of every pregnancy app, product and leaflet; or you can answer from your heart and gut, like Logan did.
I remember the first time I recognised the exact same feeling as Logan, when I was pregnant with my eldest in 2017. The first time I verbalised it, I was less confident than him, in fact I thought I sounded a bit silly. I was talking to the filmmaker Jeanie Finlay, who directed a documentary about that period of my life, called“It’s strange,” I couched, “but I’m surprised how much I literally feel like a pregnant man. I don’t feel feminine.
To guys like me and Logan, it is that simple, which is not to say we expect others to simply understand. We have been alive while trans long enough never to expect that. The chasm between trans subjectivity and cis objectivity is one of, if not the hardest thing about being trans in this world, whether you are talking about reproduction, healthcare or, well, virtually anything.
And that is especially true right now, in the UK, where this gap – between what trans people know about ourselves and what cis people assume or want to be true about us – is relentlessly weaponised by sections of media and politics, to demonise, attack and undermine us.
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