I couldn’t deal with the emotional load, so I became a writer, and poured it on to the page, says Joanna Cannon
I could deal with the work, but I couldn’t shake the emotional load. So I became a writer, and poured it on to the pagePhotograph: Lynsey Addario/Getty ImagesPhotograph: Lynsey Addario/Getty ImagesPeople always tell me I was brave to apply to medical school in my 30s. But for me, the bravest thing was to walk away from being a doctor 10 years later.
I’d always wanted to study medicine but, believing I wasn’t bright enough, I left school at 15 and didn’t return to education until my 30s. Despite discovering the self-belief I’d lacked as a teenager, the going was still tough. Personal commitments meant a hefty commute and money was always tight. The end goal kept us all going, though, fantasising about the kind of medics we wanted to be.
It wasn’t the workload I struggled with, though. The long hours and the lack of resources, I could deal with, because everyone had to. What I found really impossible was the emotional load. As a doctor, you know you’ll witness upsetting things. You know you will hear people given devastating news. You will watch people die and you will see the most awful distress.
Medicine, ironically, is not the place to break, and I knew I needed to find a coping mechanism very quickly, so I began to write. Writing allowed me an escape, a door into another world, but it also helped to iron out my thoughts. In my lunchbreak I’d sit in the hospital car park and empty my head on to a page. I wrote a story I didn’t think anyone would read , but that story became, and it would be a Sunday Times bestseller. But with that unexpected success, I had to make a decision.
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