'It’s my understanding that those of us with complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD) stemming from childhood abuse and neglect tend to have serious changes to the ways our brains develop.'
Yesterday, after being told by my therapist I’m the worst overthinker she’s ever seen, I replied, “I saw this meme on Facebook that said if overthinking burned calories, I’d be dead by now.”
But why do I do this? It’s my understanding that those of us with complex post-traumatic stress disorder stemming from childhood abuse and neglect tend to have serious changes to the ways our brains develop. For us, the lower and emotional parts of our brains become hyperactive, while our logical brains become seemingly stunted or turned off. Essentially, we become trapped in a constant state of hypervigilance.
In my case, my parents divorced when I was 3 years old and my mother was mentally ill. At her best, she could be funny, clever and amazingly creative. But at her worst, she could have panic attacks while driving, be absent completely or become self-harming. It was like walking on eggshells. I never knew which mom I was going to get from moment to moment.
This pattern persists to this day. I text someone and they don’t reply? They probably are mad at me. My husband seems irritable or grumpy? I obviously did something to upset him. I have a trip planned that I’ve been looking forward to? Something will probably happen, like my concert will cancel or my plane will crash before I arrive.
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