'I learned what I’d hoped to and more. Stand in your power and your confidence and your sexiness borne of years, women in midlife and beyond. It’s very, very real.'
dating app, where 85% of users are 18 to 34. I blurred my face; put up much racier photos; and described myself as a fit, fun, feminist AF 40-something who wanted “fun.” I hoped that was a message to guys who’d want to hook up. Because when it comes to social research, I believe in going for broke.
Within days I had over 3,000 right swipes. Like a slot machine addict in Vegas, I played Tinder for hours, often with my amused husband at my side. I focused on self-described 30-year-olds who looked like models and athletes. I wasn’t shy — I messaged them first after we matched because why not? “Hi, I’m new here, you’re cute, how does this work?” And I hit the motherlode.
So who are these guys, exactly? Fellows with mommy issues? Nah. According to Dr. Justin Lehmiller, a psychologist and author of, MILF fantasies are “extraordinarily popular.” In his 2018 survey of more than 4,000 Americans, 88% of heterosexually identified men said they’d had a fantasy about an older woman at least once before, and 42% said they had these fantasies often. And it’s not just younger men. The older the men he surveyed were, “the more likely they were to fantasize about older women.
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