'I thought: if this is tooth then that is tooth'
Photo-Illustration: by the Cut; Photos Getty Images Theo took the baby to her first Christmas Mass. I stayed home to read a little and masturbate a lot. How I’d missed masturbation! I’d beaten off like a maniac throughout the pregnancy—watched filthy porn with headphones on so the fetus wouldn’t hear—but this was my first self-love session since giving birth.
Naturally, at first I felt myself a mutant. I was afraid and disgusted. But most vaginal dermoid cysts are benign, I read. They come from DNA the baby leaves in you. I admit I did not entirely grasp the science. But rather than hate or fear the tooth, I resolved simply to monitor it. Observe without judgment, as the yogis advised. I ministered to the tooth.
Tooth enamel is the hardest substance in the body, I read, understanding myself to be mythical and rare. Possibly it was my imagination but after my teeth came in, my orgasms became longer and stronger, more intense and easier to come by. I filled my alone time with them.
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