What do you do when your approach to relationship problems always seems to be different from your partner's? A psychologist's advice:
You’re frustrated with the way your partner deals with relationship issues. Maybe they ignore problems . Or maybe they consistently bring up issues that you are sure would be better left ignored. Whatever their approach, it’s the opposite of yours, putting the two of you at odds and creating problems.
In conducting couples therapy, I have seen that early in a relationship, each person usually focuses on wanting the relationship to be happy. But I have also repeatedly seen the dynamic of one partner addressing and trying to directly fix problems while the other brushes over problems, or may not even register them – instead focusing on positive aspects of their relationship.
By contrast, when a partner overlooks problems, they can focus on ‘the good stuff’ – such as having fun, enjoying romantic evenings together, or even taking the time to support their partner’s personal interests. This can help maintain the couple’s positive connection. However, when problems are big, or when small ones pile up, this style of managing problems backfires.
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