Our daughter will likely remain an only child, but I’m hoping not alone. Not believing that family begins and ends with people you’re biologically related to, we’ve made our own family of friends
My husband and I agreed we'd have just one child years before I got pregnant. For me, it was about re-creating the childhood I had as an only child – the undivided attention, the quiet, the unit of three. For him, it was the financially sound option; he'd grown up as one of three, with money tight at times, and he didn't want us to feel stretched.
The financial reasons for sticking with one still stand for both of us, and while I've seen the happiness of larger families as our friends have had second and third babies, there are new factors at play. My career is just getting back on track and, as much as it's a constant juggle, that juggle is evolving alongside my child.My husband, meanwhile, is building up to a PhD.
"Women today are eager to complete their educations and settle into careers before starting families," says Dr Susan Newman, social psychologist and author of. "Late starts often lead to fertility issues. Costly medical intervention is prohibitive for many couples or single women hoping to have more children, and the economics and practicalities of raising children lead many to stop at one.
But when we one-and-dones say we are not having any more babies – even though it's increasingly the norm in our society – other parents don't seem able to accept it. The responses range from curious and rude to reductive and downright insulting . The one that upsets me the most is when people ask, "Was it that bad the first time around?"Your reasons are never good enough.
Still, strangers' comments do wedge themselves uncomfortably in my brain. Is there any truth in it all? Is my daughter more likely to be lonely? Take the idea they're spoilt and find it hard to share. Child psychiatrist Dr Sarah Vohra says, "Some studies suggest only children receive too much attention and praise and that this makes them 'less agreeable'. Others found that only children are less inclined to share because there has been no expectation to do so at home.
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