6 ways to own our mistakes without tumbling down a path of self-hatred, by DrLisaFirestone
to alleviate the pain he was experiencing. The therapist’s reply was, “There are some things you should feel bad about, and this is one of them.”
Patients often ask me for methods to get over, away from, or around the pain they feel when they have mistreated someone or themselves. I have become fond of saying the way to deal with feelings is by going through them, not around them. Suppressing and avoiding feelings is also not helpful. By feeling the negative feelings we have after bad behavior, we can recognize ways we behave that are not aligned with our own values and beliefs.
To be clear, I am not suggesting we ruminate about how bad we were or beat ourselves up, but rather, that we feel our feelings and use them to develop ourselves. Many of us find it challenging to take an honest look at ourselves without falling victim to the point of view of our.
Remember that most of us come by our behavior honestly. Many of our worst traits are born out of ways we learned to protect or defend ourselves early in life. These things are in our power to change, but we must first recognize and acknowledge their existence. Reflecting on our most destructive actions can lead us to a deeper understanding of how we came to be the ways we are. It can also bring up a lot of feelings for the circumstances that led to these original adaptations.
Feeling the pain of mistreating someone we care about or sabotaging something we desired is an honest reaction that invites other important feelings like
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