Why we need to stop teaching girls to be nice KerryReads DayoftheGirl
It’s a good lesson for any child, though less pressing for sons, who often seem to possess an admirable knowledge of their entitlement to take up space in the world—or perhaps it’s simply that boys are less urged toward niceness.
But here is the trick: How do we teach our children to eschew likeability yet still be decent human beings? To stand up for themselves but to look out for other people, too? While we aren’t here to please other people, we should take care of one another. It’s the second part of Adichie’s suggestion: “Teach them to be kind.”
It’s the sort of thing everyone hopes for when they send their children off to school: the kid who sits down beside your child in the lunchroom, the one who dares to intervene in incidents of bullying, the child who watches out at recess for anyone who looks lonely and possesses the emotional intelligence and moral courage to invite that other child to join in.
“A moral identity shapes our children’s character and the people they become,” explains Borba, “and is a significant piece of raising empathetic children and helping them thrive.” Moral identity is also character—that old-fashioned quality once defined by Joan Didion as “the willingness to accept responsibility for one’s own life.” It’s here where I realize that teaching my children to take care of other peopleto stand up for themselves are not incompatible.
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