Why do we assume the end of every relationship is a loss—especially for women? What if it's a win in disguise, and it's our job to help our single friends recognize it?
I knew it was technically my decision, I knew I would be better off, and I knew that, if I really wanted to, I could probably rekindle our situationship. But I was still a mess.
It was a simple, general thing to say, and yet it meant the world to me.He was right, you know. If everything was going right, the relationship wouldn’t have ended. I was happy that I stood my ground on the issues that led to our demise. And, to be honest, while “I’m sorry” is the default statement to say when someone tells you about their breakup, I honestly find it somewhat offensive.
Okay, I’m getting off track here—but seriously, stop saying “I’m sorry” to your friend who just became newly single without first assessing the situation and her feelings about the whole thing. Maybe the breakup was just what she needed, even if she doesn’t know it yet. Maybe she was dating a manipulative dude who made her think that she would never find anyone else to love her, and she finally broke free of his grasp. To me, that calls for a “congrats” instead.
“I’ve always liked [being told congrats] actually; it’s optimistic about the future,” said Jahn, 24— which is exactly how I see it. If not preceded or followed with an additional caring statement, “congrats” can feel a little too celebratory for a relationship’s end. It’s kind of like another classic misguided attempt to console someone post-breakup: suggesting a night out at the bars when the only thing they want to do is curl up on the couch and cry.“[The] best thing to say [is], ‘I’m sorry’ and ‘congratulations,’” she suggests. “Both are true no matter what side [of the breakup you were on].
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