7 keys to being supportive of the difficult people in your life without sacrificing your own mental health in the process
for this person’s well-being. You might offer advice. You might try to argue, or control, or fix them…and none of it works. You end up feeling hopeless, sad, and angry.
Or, imagine an aging mother whose adult daughter is in an abusive relationship. The mother might cajole, make accusations, and insist that her daughter leave or the mother will cut the daughter off from their relationship. The mother might say, “I just can’t stand by and watch her go through this.” Alternately, you might consider the spouse of an avoidant man who insists on doing his own thing: staying out too late, being grumpy, argumentative, inconsiderate. The spouse might getand needy in an effort to elicit care. She might get mad and attack the offending behavior. Or maybe she threatens to leave but it still doesn’t work and she is left sitting there with her awful feelings and nothing changes.
Don’t mistake my examples as suggesting that you should not leave a bad situation or keep people who could harm you away. I am, however, suggesting this approach as an intermediary step before taking the nuclear option. By doing these things, you may be able to stay open to your loved one while also maintaining your own peace of mind and serenity.Don’t make the other person’s problem your problem. Accept that every person has their own journey through life, their own trials and tribulations.
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