Secure, anxious, avoidant, fearful: research shows people’s feelings about being single may depend on their attachment style
Are all single people insecure? When we think about people who have been single for a long time, we may assume it’s because single people have insecurities that make it difficult for them to find a partner or maintain a relationship.Our latest research published in the Journal of Personality suggests they can. However, perhaps unsurprisingly, not everybody tends to thrive in singlehood. Our study shows a crucial factor may be a person’s attachment style.
People may also remain single due to their attachment style. Attachment theory is a popular and well-researched model of how we form relationships with other people. An Amazon search for attachment theory returns thousands of titles. The hashtag #attachmenttheory has been viewed over 140 million times on TikTok alone.
People who are lower in attachment anxiety and avoidance are considered “securely attached”, and are comfortable depending on others, and giving and receiving intimacy. Single people are often stereotyped as being too clingy or non-committal. Research comparing single and coupled people also suggests single people have higher levels of attachment insecurities compared to people in relationships.
We carried out two studies, one of 482 younger single people and the other of 400 older long-term singles. We found overall 78% were categorised as insecure, with the other 22% being secure.Insecure singles find singlehood challenging, but secure singles are thriving Our findings also revealed these distinct subgroups of singles have distinct experiences and outcomes.
Avoidant singles show the least interest in being in a romantic relationship and in many ways appear satisfied with singlehood. However, they also have fewer friends and close relationships, and are generally less satisfied with these relationships than secure singles. Avoidant singles also report less meaning in life and tend to be less happy compared to secure singles.
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