Your Horoscopes — Week Of October 1, 2019

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Your Horoscopes — Week Of October 1, 2019
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While it’s true that a lot of music contains sexual innuendo, you’re pretty much alone in thinking that Beethoven’s Fifth has an undeniable copulatory rhythm.You’ve always believed that you’ve left your lovers happy, satisfied, and thinking fondly of you, but their plaintive oinking and squealing would seem to suggest otherwise.

Juggling three young children isn’t easy for any mother, but then, that’s why you start with tennis balls and bowling pins first.Turns out it’s not your relationship with your father that’s been eating you up inside, but rather a three-foot-long parasite lodged directly below your kidney.Due to the high incidence of hijinx, tomfoolery, and puns, you’ll finally decide to stop answering doors during knock-knock jokes.

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