This is scary accurate.
Dude, you know without pause what your ex’s zodiac sign is—and you can recall it without even having to remember that time they forgot about you at the bar on their birthday, too. Determining an ex’s star sign is like the innate ability white girls have of knowing every single Taylor Swift lyric without even listening to the album. It’s like it gets downloaded into our psyche during REM.
You see, people, as a general rule, are very fucking strange. And exes always take the cake. Suddenly, all the things in the relationship that first struck you as OmgCute! LikeSooooCharmmiing! Or Haha! Zany! are then revealed to just be the bizarre shit and quirks that make up who they really are. And thanks to astrology, we can feel better knowing that that red flag is probably just a common trait your ex’s sign shares as a collective.
And even though it’s not quite December yet, our zodiac signs as exes reminds me forcibly of Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol. Or maybe it just reminds me of that one Matthew McConaughey movie, Ghosts of Girlfriends Past. Anyway, imagine yourself in one of those weird little nightcaps that people wore in the Victorian era as the Ghosts of Exes Past parade into your tiny, overpriced apartment and try to gaslight you into thinking you were overly emotional that time you cried when he called you “Dude.” Or don’t. Your experience was unique to your situation, etc., etc.—but there’s something about your exes that, after all the heartbreak and bullshit, you can distill them down to a few, simple identifying traits.
Knowing your ex’s zodiac sign is healing because it affirms not only their lesser desirable characteristics, but it also shines a light on their best qualities—what inspired you, what made your heart go wacky whenever you saw them, and hopefully how that relationship made you at least a little bit of a better person. Or not.Aries – The Competitive Jock Constantly checking SPORT SCORES on his phone, your Aries ex is more than competitive: He’s out for blood.
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