A difficult relationship with her father set Pauline Nguyen’s life on a path that would, despite her fear, eventually lead her home again.
One morning, after the rain and just before December, I packed a single suitcase, said goodbye to my brothers and walked out the tired front door. I was 17 and I had officially become a "runaway".
For me, life was also about survival. In order to survive, I could not allow myself, not even for moment, to think about the tremendous shame that I had dumped upon my family. The months passed slowly as I moved around to avoid detection. Truly, I hid in Newcastle, north of Sydney, one of the last places anyone would think of looking. But my spirit grew weary of living in fear and my body tired of being on the run.
Out of duty I would go home to visit, and I hated those visits. I hated the sense of claustrophobia and suffocation I felt in his presence. The meetings were always stifled and false. But what I hated most about those visits was the overwhelming realisation that I'd grown up to be just like him. I, too, was angry all the time. Angry at my friends, angry at my work colleagues, angry at the world, angry at myself.
So, in 2007, I landed a deal to write a recipe book and memoir about my family. As I was writing this book my fears returned. I'd think, "How am I possibly going to survive my father's reaction to this story?"and it's not meant to be a scathing account of my father. Instead, it's a beautiful story about personal freedom, family and hope.
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