'Concealing my struggles … hampered my ability to be my true self in the lab.' In honor of WorldMentalHealthDay, read more about one grad student’s experience opening up about her struggle with mental illness.
"Are you OK?" my principal investigator asked me. I had just broken down crying in his office during one of our meetings."It doesn't seem like you're OK." He was right. But I wasn't ready to be vulnerable with him, so I evaded the question. Later, I wondered why. When I mentor undergrads, I make a point of connecting with them on a personal level and reaching out to them when they seem to need help.
For a while, my undergrads kept me functioning. Their curiosity spurred me to plan experiments and read papers. My duty to them forced me out of bed and into the lab, where I set aside my own distress and put on the disguise of an encouraging mentor. I enthusiastically asked about their classes and weekend plans, their extracurricular activities and postgraduation ambitions.
Soon enough, I lost the high I got from mentoring. My patience gave way to irritation. When my undergrads made simple mistakes, I had a harder time being understanding. I knew that I couldn't wait any longer to seek help. I finally contacted the therapist I had connected with at the beginning of grad school and started medication for my now-diagnosed anxiety and depression.
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