Former UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson has claimed that childhood obesity stems from the Anglican Church's failure to spiritually nourish children, leading them to indulge in junk food. He contrasts this with his childhood experiences in the 1960s when children were more active and consumed fewer processed foods.
The ex-PM opines that it’s Anglicanism’s failure to spiritually nourish children that has made them junk food addicts. The man who has done more for this country than all other politicians of his generation. Never mind that most of it has been for the worse. Let’s not bother ourselves with inconvenient details.
Bluh … Blah … Bluh … Boris cast his mind back to when he was young. “When I was a kid, we were all out playing in the streets the whole time,” he said. “You don’t see that with kids nowadays … Now they are all fatsos. And I’d be shot for saying they’re fatsos, but that’s the truth.” It takes one to know one. After all, Boris is prime fatso material. Bathroom scales live in terror of him standing on them. “Get off, you fat bastard,” they sob. “You’re going to break me.
It was all quite mad. The modern-day church – especially the former archbishop of Canterbury – was too busy scaring children away with talk of paedophiles. Mmm. Arguably. Justin Welby didn’t do nearly enough to warn of paedos. Starting with the C of E itself. So the poor kiddies had nothing to do but stuff themselves to death while hunched over their computers.
His core demand was that the church should just tell people not to be so bloody fat. That was it. Happy fucking Christmas, everyone. The fat man wants you to be thinner. We’d quite like the fat man to remain quiet for a bit. You only remember how much you’ve appreciated the comparative silence when he starts talking again. He inspires a momentary panic. Is it me losing my mind? Or him? Don’t worry. It’s Boris.
Boris Johnson Childhood Obesity Anglican Church Spiritual Nourishment Processed Foods
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